Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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