I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
