I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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