Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
