You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
