If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
