Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Michael Bay diarrhea
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
