I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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