i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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