my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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