Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
