I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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