from now on my penis is your penis
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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