just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
