I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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