Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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