I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
