If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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