so that wasnt chicken after all
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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