we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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