I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
