saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
