I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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