Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
3 2 1 whiskey
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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