I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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