Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
