1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
