Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
