When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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