me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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