How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
