He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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