Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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