The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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