Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
