ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it's great music for shaving your balls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
