she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
