So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
