do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
