You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
