Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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