I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
