I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
