he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
