Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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