i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
