the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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