I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize