he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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