I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
