We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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