we're blogging at a bar
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
