you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
