I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
