if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
