Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
