Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i came on her dog
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
