I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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