I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
