dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
