: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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