I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
